IDIOTS - R - US
WHAT IS THIS WEBSITE ABOUT? This is a personal website containing opinions, humor, parody, COMEDY, and sarcasm. The pages herein reflect my own, personal sense of humor and viewpoints. The First Amendment of the Constitution and the Digital Millennium Copyright Act adequately, particularly, and specifically provide these rights. This site is for educational and entertainment purposes only. This is emphatically not a "hate" site. Profanity is kept to a minimum, but it may exist. If this website seems offensive to you in any way, please leave now. Please do not subject yourself to being offended.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO THOSE IN FEAR OF THIS WEBSITE: This website contains NO threats of any nature - no direct, indirect, implied, supplied, or personified threats. There is a lot of sarcasm here. If you're afraid, it's OK! Websites can be absolutely terrifying places. You're allowed to be frightened of the following web pages - and we understand! Our heart goes out to you - we don't want you to be afraid - we want you to get help! Dial 911, and scream for help. If you wind up in a straight jacket, that's your problem. If you don't, that's your problem, too.
BOARD of DIRECTORS - UPDATE
CADA Board of Directors has recently unanimously voted two new members and we would like to welcome them. Coyote in the position of Respectful Behavior of Participants and RoadRunner as Strategy Planner. Coyote is easily recognized by his outstanding dress apparel.... he wears a Gaucho hat, a Bolo around his neck and as an added bonus he is multiligual.. RoadRunner, on the other hand, is not quite as flamboyant in attire and only wears a necklace of hunter's teeth around her neck and she has some nasty habits that come into play when hunters do not adhere to the rules, she flys to the nearest tree branch and craps on them. Coyote has already put into play a Dress Code that he insists must be recognized immediately out of respect to himself and those who are of High Office. Therefore this Code will be enforced by the CADA Police Squad under the direction of The Big Bad Wolf. Any and all Hunters must be clothed in outfits suitable to their activities. Example: male and females alike must be fully covered and recently hosed down. Those Judging events cannot be distracted by the stench of cheap perfumes, used in place of bathing, or females wearing transparent attire / men in filthy jeans reeking of spilled beer. All boots must have feces scraped off them. This applies to both sexes. Handlers must at the very least be almost as clean as the dogs/hogs; however consideration will be given to the dogs as they are working, hogs will have their own dress code.
THESE RULES WILL BE STRICTLY ENFORCED AT ALL FUTURE EVENTS. The problem before the CADA board becomes one of population control. As expected CADA has called for a mandatory hunt (photo shoots to be set up afterward for those that drank too much beer and only want to feed their ego with an added bonus of not getting their hunting boots soiled.) Poof and Dearie are in the process of organizing this event. The purpose the the hunt will be to hopefully decrease numbers of Idiots and restore the dwindling supply of beer. This will not impact upon the farmers growing crops of hops and barley as they are both animal feed and cereals (surprise!!!) and can be used and consumed by normal people. We are proud to announce that the local Sheriffs of all bordering Counties will participate in this hunt. Idiots who cannot cut it will be locked up and made to swallow their own keys. Official dress code will be required. This consists of the body being covered, other than the hairy part (men and women alike). Those who do not adhere to this request will be issued pink shorts along with a peanut butter sandwich. This sandwich can be consumed or used as hog bait. The hunt will consist of releasing the Idiots into the field to hide among the bushes (no weapons are to be used as most Idiots are not able to put down their beer can long enough to use them). Both sides of the river will be used, as Idiots fear water (it can eliminate their stench) so they will not cross the barrier. One side will be for the judges and their dogs and the other for the hunt. Disgruntled boars will be released and given tags to use once they bag an Idiot. The Boar with the most tags at the end of the hunt will receive the Boar Hunter of the Year award and the event will be recorded in the Book of Boars as a Proven Boar. Captured Idiots will be discarded at the nearest swamp to fend for themselves (short life spans acknowledged). If the weather continues to work as it has and crops continue in abundance, this could well become an Annual Event. Minutes recorded by: Poof Jr. a nephew of Poof the Great
CADA has called an emergency meeting!!!
There has recently been a Multitude of phone calls in Complaint. With the recent Spring showers there is an abundance of hops and barley which has increased the amount available for the production of beer (this fuel is much cheaper than gas) and more of it is consumed nationally as it is a favorite among Idiot populations. It seems the Idiots are increasing in their numbers due to the surplus of beer and more time on their hands (Idiots are seldom employed as their needs are limited and they lack skills required to get off the stump).
PREVIOUS CADA UPDATE -
It has been brought to our Attention from a recent study completed by CADA on the training methods for our IDIOT Hunter. It has been noted that the lack of any brain material, (studies have proven gnats to be higher in brain power) has made any training nearly impossible; therefore it is highly recommended that a 10,000 volt (or higher) cattle prod be used. In the future this device will only be known as an IDIOT Prod or IP. It has also been decided in an emergency (IP) meeting by the panal of judges, Boore will now be equipped with one these rods for training purposes. If this is not successful, a higher voltage device will be sought. It is also recommended that every owner of an IDIOT should always have one of these in possession. The upcoming IDIOT Auction was mentioned - it has been duly noted the winner of the essay will be given there very own IDIOT Prod (IP).
