This Site is created and dedicated to the One and Only: Jerry Shyster - aka "HUCKSTER"

WHAT QUALIFIES AN IDIOT?
In order to meet these qualifications which can be very stringent one must first realize that they have chosen the bottom of the food chain.  This is a free choice.  To consort with others of your kind.  The 69 IQ or below is required (an IQ of 70 and below are Legally Retarded).  You must take your ego with you as no one wants it.

While most humans reach for the stars, IDIOTS wallow in the muck and slime. You have to prove yourself worthy of this stature.  This can be done in many ways.  You can participate in negative acts that are harmful to other species.  This is a very popular item.  You must be thoroughly convinced that you are a species that is not accepted by society.  You must be tested and timed to qualify as Pond Scum.  This is called living outside of life as we know it. 

IDIOT BY CHOICE  
If you knowingly meet the above qualifications then you are an IDIOT by Choice.  This is the saddest kind of IDIOT as you have at least a slight realization that you are an IDIOT and yet you choose to remain in the muck and slime!!

NOT REALIZING YOU ARE AN IDIOT!! 
This can be tricky as you are now alone.  Your ID has abandoned you.  You will not be allowed on the Yellow Brick Road.  The Wizard has no use for you as you have proven you have no brain and are non-existent.  You will be cast into the Ether where nothing exists.  This will be meaningless to you as you no longer are.  CONGRATULATIONS!  You made it!!!!



IDIOT VARIATIONS 
Some IDIOTS are of the two-headed variety.  These are especially entertaining as they can talk out of both mouths at the same time.  Of course, they often step on each other's tongue in the process.  It's kind of the gift that keeps on giving.  An example would be one mouth giving solace to an event of monumental proportions of stupidity while the other is advocating matching the event with even more stupid proportions than the original event.  If this is confusing to you then you have not qualified as an IDIOT and must return to home plate without passing go or collecting anything.  STAY OFF THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!!!  If this shoe fits, then feel free to place it on your foot and stick it in your mouth. 


Noted IDIOT Variations: 

THE MANIC IDIOT

Per the Dictionary - this is anyone affected or marked by frenzy or mania uncontrolled by reason.

The common characteristics that are most obvious here include:
HARRASSER, STALKER, SELF-PITY, INDULGENT, EGOTISCAL, USER, AND MOST ALWAYS THE PLAYGROUND BULLY (see below).  This brain should be rewired but in the probable event that will not happen, one must consider a fix.  There are several avenues to explore... embarrassing you as the public ass that you have chosen to remain, or possibly letting you catch up with the people you stalk.  Known effective methods that could be of slight help to reduce the IDIOT status includes (but not limited to) electro-shock, and/or lobotomies. 

The true Manic IDIOT is basically a very uncomplicated being whose mind only contains a very tiny single thought.  It is incapable of processing material due to the lack of a working brain. The neurons that transfer thoughts are missing.  Notice the key word "IT" as no one has yet determined any thought patterns of coherence. This is clearly evident in any material it produces.  It functions only in one direction and that is total self-destruction. You can easily recognize this as it chooses a target randomly and then proceeds to accuse such target of all the faults and/or desires it sees in itself.  It projects self-abhorrence on the current chosen target.
It is usually known to sleep during daylight hours and rise after dark.  This creature lurks only in the darkness where it cannot see its own reflection (the mirror is Extremely Grateful for this!!!).  It is a pitiful thing.  This creature does not inhabit any workplace, as it is a parasite on society.  It is danger only to itself and feeds on its own fears as it is ignored by the mainstream.  Have no fear as it is not contagious. The Wizard has requested the Big Bad Wolf (one of the most entertaining night inhabitants) monitor this creature as an additional fun project.

A Self-Indulgent person is one who drinks someone else's beer, buys more and then hides it for personal use when no one is looking.  Complains BITTERLY of others actions even though you yourself have NO action.


EGOTISTICAL
Please break the mirror as you are a slave to your own ego and even the Mirror has registered a complaint with the Wizard who has taken it under consideration.  It will most likely be sent to committee where they will break it for you.  


PLAYGOUND BULLY
This is a quality acquired when one is very young.  You begin by pulling the wings off insects and terrorizing anything smaller.  THE WIZARD DOES NOT LIKE THIS!!!!  You are usually a person that has not had many very good experiences throughout your life as you have never participated.  In order to be accepted you have to be, so you make loud noises hoping to be noticed but even the wingless insects ignore you.  You probably wet your pants (please wash them before drying!).  As an adult both the playground and the Yellow Brick Road are off limits (stalker) so you turn to the internet where you are also ignored.  The fix would be to look inside yourself but if you are afraid of the dark, that would not work therefore the lobotomy would be the most effective and proper fix. 

USER
A user according to the dictionary is someone who boasts great qualities and does nothing. 

You are known to live vicariously through others as you have no skills of your own.  Our collective opinion of a fix is "You cannot fix stupid".  As everyone has the right to be stupid, your rights will not be violated.  You may qualify as IDIOT of the Year but you do have monumental competition.


STALKER/ HARASSER
As you have now qualified as a Tertiery IDIOT (IDIOT of the 4th degree), you will now have to work more diligently if you want to continue raising your level.  Your stalking and harassing so far have been done in such bad taste that it curdled the beer.  Your threats have fallen upon deaf ears.  You have been rattling cages that are empty.  Your threats have no meat on their bones.  In essence,  no one is listening.  If you want attention you must devise a better mousetrap.  You could try kissing up, but that might be considered a vile act to the recipients causing violent spasms of vomiting.  If you do choose to throw rocks, I suggest you retrieve your catcher's mitt out of the junkpile, as you will be needing it.  You have been declared truely hopeless by the Wizard.  Your are therefore Officially a nobody if you ever were.


In light of Recent Events - It has been noted that in the vacant world of the Shyster Idiot, there is a lack of Oxygen, however; being a BRAINLESS creature there is no real need. At times this creature has tried in Vain to become an Oxygen thief in the night.  Fortunately for those of us with normal brains who live above the darkness,  Oxygen does in indeed have a mind of its own. Non-existant beings who never were cannot be counted, as they are not as they have never been.  They walk a path to nowhere forever wandering.  They are known to strike out in violent behaviors that falls upon empty cyberspace.  No one is listening.  The Shyster Idiot is a True Putz that lacks any Chutzpah.  Stepping into the world of those who who do indeed have Chutzpah is a bottomless pit for the Putz. So the only avenue left is one of lurking in the dark emptiness. The Shyster will soon fade into oblivion to face the loneliness it has created. It is no more.

THE PITY-FUL IDIOT

This is the IDIOT who has the need to be noticed.  You can: eat until you become very large, then diet until you become anorexic, then you will be pitied.  You will also be sick, but that's part of the deal.  Take it or leave it. 

You can commiserate with those of your kind, the Under 69 IQ bunch, and they will revere you and at the same time notice and pity you.  You get two for one and maybe a lunch or two thrown in.  You can challenge the norms of Society by being  personally obnoxious.  This results in no one liking you, but since you have already achieved this, you will now qualify as a gold-plated IDIOT and your status will be enhanced.  As an IDIOT, status is everything. 

 

You will officiate as a Teen Queen for a time, though the age issue might not be valid yet as those who cannot count will revere you but this will be a fleeting thing... All of these titles will be removed as you will become boring and will be torn to shreds.  This will be the fix as one cannot fix stupid.  Sorry.

In view of recent events one marvels at those who's obsessive behaviors baffle the mind.  The Wizard suggests you get out of the tanning bed for a quick moment and look into your crystal ball, or play ball, as the case may be (either one will work) you might be able to see the faces of those you have placed in harm's way.  Those who's voices have been silenced because of your incredible need to be noticed.  The "Forgotten Ones" whose souls cry out for their kind.  The Wizard strongly suggests that you never try to cross the Rainbow Bridge as, like the Yellow Brick Road, it is not for the heartless.  One has to wonder when the hunter might become the hunted so watching your back might be in order.... POOF!!!!!!! .